English Jokes


A Talking Frog


An older gentleman was playing a round of golf. Suddenly his ball sliced and landed in a shallow pond. As he
was attempting to retrieve the ball he discovered a frog who, to his great surprise, started to speak! "Kiss me, and
I will change into a beautiful princess, and I will be yours for a week." He picked up the frog and placed it in his
pocket. As he continued to play golf, the frog repeated its message. "Kiss me, and I will change into a beautiful
princess, and I will be yours for a whole month!" The man continued to play his golf game and once again the
frog  spoke  out.  "Kiss  me,and  I  will  change  into  a  beautiful  princess,  and  I  will  be  yours  for  a  whole  year!"
Finally, the old man turned to the frog and exclaimed, "At my age, I'd rather have a talking frog!"




The Last Ticket 

During  a  busy  holiday  weekend,  a  woman  who  was  eight  months  pregnant  went  to  the  railway  station  to
return  home  to  her  husband.  At  the  reservation  counter,  when  her  turn  came,  there  was  only  one  ticket  left.
Taking pity on a very old lady behind her in line, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her
husband which arrived with a small error: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an
old lady."

A Business Loan

A businessman walked into a bank in San Francisco and asked for the loan officer. He told the officer that he
is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000. The bank officer explained that the
bank needed some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman handed over the keys to a Rolls Royce
parked  on  the  street  in  front  of  the  bank.  Everything  checked  out,  and  the  bank  agreed  to  accept  the  car  as
collateral for the loan. A bank employee drove the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parked it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returned, repaid the $5,000 with interest, which came to $15.41. The loan
officer said, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but
we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.
What puzzles us is  why  would you bother to borrow  $5,000?" The businessman replied, "Where else  in San
Francisco can I park

A Big Decision

A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and announced, 'Daddy, I'd like to get married.'
His father replied hesitantly, 'Sure, son, do you have anyone special in mind?'
'Yes,' answered the boy. 'I want to marry Grandma.'
'Now, wait a minute,' said his father. 'You don't think I'd let you get married with my mother, do you?'
'Why not?' the boy asked. 'You married mine.'

100 Penguins 

A truck driver was driving 100 penguins to the New York Zoo when his truck broke down on the freeway.
The driver got out of the cab and was looking at the engine when a second truck driver stopped in front of him
and asked if he needed any help. The penguins' driver explained that he was taking the penguins to the zoo and
asked if the other man would take the penguins there. He agreed. Some hours later, the second truck driver drove
past the first one, who was still waiting on the freeway for help to come. The penguins, however, were still on
the truck! "I thought I asked you to take those penguins to the zoo," shouted the first driver. The second replied,
"I did, but I had some money left, so we're going to the cinema now."

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